"Once trust is betrayed in a very personal way it is almost impossible to gain it back. There is always a shadow of doubt."
I put this statement on Facebook and several of the ones that responded were women who either went through a divorce or are about to go through one. These are beautiful women who were loyal and supportive wives. Though they may have made mistakes as we all do in our marriages they were faithful. As a mother of a daughter who went through divorce I can truly say it was the most gut wrenching experience I have ever had.
I went through extreme feelings of guilt about giving my daughter to someone who didn't value what he had. I went through deep pain as I watched my daughter collapse from heart break. I went through frustration because I didn't know how to take away the agony of betrayal.
The worst thing of all was the inability to defend her to the public and to his family. She chose not to discuss it with them or with his/their friends. I'm sure her reasoning was good. There are those who get so angry they say things they later regret or, worse yet, their friends back away because all they hear is "angry". It can wear people out. Plus she didn't feel she owed them an explanation. They would soon see for themselves.
I wondered why Jesus didn't speak when accused by the false witnesses. Why didn't he defend himself? He was God in human form. If anyone could be eloquent in defense he could be.
There were two occasions in my life where I was crushed by people almost beyond repair. One was with a pastor years ago, no need to mention his name - he is no longer a pastor, who abused his position and the people in our church. He had to lie to cover his sins and he needed someone to place blame on so he chose me and Don. We were beyond belief when those we knew for years believed his lies and didn't come to our defense. It would not have done any good to try and defend ourselves. It would fall on deaf ears. So we went to God in agony and asked him to take it all.
Through this process we were able to find grace, not just for ourselves but empowering grace to offer reconciliation to this pastor. He refused, but that is his decision not ours. In due time all came out in the light and those who were duped by him came one by one to apologize. Grace was there, given to us by God, to forgive and rebuild. Our church, years later, is in a much healthier position now. We are able to have a more honest look at ourselves, humble ourselves, and allow God to work through us to our community. Now we are experiencing edifying grace. It's wonderful.
The second time was with our ex-son-in-law. Going through the gambit of emotions, including extreme anger, I have had to put him in the hands of God and allow God to bring all to light. We had loved him with all our being and the betrayal was hard to take. His family and friends know the truth because they know him. And so we leave it there. He has never asked for forgiveness. I guess he doesn't see that he needs to. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I follow God's will and bask in the glory of his empowering grace.
No, I am not going to defend us or my daughter to you. I don't need to. God knows what is real and what is not. God knows what is true and what is not. He will bring all to light in his time. And since he has never let me down and always has my best interests at heart, I will trust him. "You will keep in perfect peace those who trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 NIV
Besides, it isn't my place to take vengeance. That belongs to God (Deut. 32:35). What I am supposed to do is to love my neighbor as myself (Lev. 19:18) In my many times pleading with God about what I should do he has reminded me that I cannot hate. I must love because love is of God and anyone who hates his brother is not of God. (1 John 3:10) God's grace has given me the ability to love these people no matter what they did to me or my family. I must leave them to him.
Jesus knew that the judgement would come for those who abused him. He loved them so much. I am sure the thought of their punishment grieved him. That is why he died of a broken heart. He also knew that anything he would say would never change the minds of those who committed the grievances against him or those who chose to believe them. It would have been a waste of time. So he said, "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)
I discovered that because I forgive, or leave them to God, I don't have to reinstate them in the position they betrayed. I don't have to trust them. But I do need to allow God to soften my heart towards them so that I can genuinely pray for them. That is what Jesus did on the cross as his life blood poured out. He prayed for them. If I claim to be a child of God how can I do any less.
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Learning to Love Like God
I opened the paper this morning and two stories popped out at me. "Former Alamosa resident beaten to death in prison." A couple of years ago Don went to La Puente, the homeless shelter in town, to see if there was anyone in need of help. James was there and told Don he needed help. He had a family and he needed money for food and clothes. So Don gave him work around the house.
James did a terrible job painting our deck, splattering the house and anything that was not moved off the deck. But Don paid him. This started a wave of "work" and needs. Don bought him food, and clothes for the kids. James always showed up needing money for this or that. Come to find out later James was taking the receipts and the stuff and returning them for the money which he used to buy drugs. He used every trick in the book.
Don talked to him about being honest and finally cut off the work and money supply. James was arrested for forgery. He had posted bail and during that time came to the office looking for another hand out. While no one was looking he stole a purse belonging to one of our employees. He was caught of course. He was sentenced to jail at the community jail, a minimum security facility. Not long after he escaped and was caught adding more time to his sentence. While in jail he was murdered, beaten to death by a fellow inmate.
The second story, also on the front page, was about a 33 year old woman who was arrested again after not fulfilling her conditions of a previous arrest for drug possession and distribution. She had also come to us for money when she wanted to move her boyfriend down to the valley and for other things. We helped sometimes but not always, like in the boyfriend case. We know this woman's mother who is a Godly person. We have prayed hard for this her and she just kept getting deeper and deeper in to the bottomless pit. Her mother is in anguish and is now taking care of her grand daughter while her mommy is in prison. "I thought I would never be in this position at this time in my life. I have to depend on the Lord and trust him to provide." My heart breaks for her.
Several years ago there was a family that came to our church. They were poor, very poor. But they knew how to work the system, use their children to beg, and lie to the members to get money so they could go do what they wanted. They lived way out in the country in a trailer and drove broken down vehicles. Their children were always dirty. We tried to help them because scripture says to help the poor. We had baby showers for her when her babies were born. We repaired their vehicles, bought them food, gave them money for gas and medicine (which got used on spending sprees at Walmart). They attached themselves to the older folks on fixed incomes and used their children to win sympathy and get money. They abused everyone in the church.
Don and I finally took them out to dinner and told them that they had to follow certain conditions like finding work, nor more lying about what they were doing, and take care to make better choices. The money flow was now being turned off until they fulfilled those conditions. They left the church and went to a nearby church and started in on them. Finally one of the family members moved to to the western slope with her husband. After getting into trouble by trying to blow someone up she was put into jail and her children were left with grandma. She served her time. During this time our church sent her pictures of her kids and letters of encouragement. After all we did this family never changed their ways. They remain the same and those little babies are learning how to be just like them.
Don is a giving person. People find out he is a soft touch and they start taking advantage of him. His response is "God asks us to take care of them. What they do is their problem." But he has changed his mind after dealing with those who refuse to change their ways. 2 Thess. 3:9-11 says, "For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies."
There are always going to be those who take advantage and walk away never looking back. They will remain in the pit because they choose to be there. More often than not it seems these are the kind of people we end up meeting in our lives. But there are those few who really do want help and are appreciative of it. They work hard and try hard. They may not have the intellect to do better than they do or their situation may have placed them in hardship. We have met those too. Our hearts break for them and it's a blessing to help them.
James 1:27 states, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
Isaiah 58:6-7 also directs us on how we should help. "6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
We have had very personal wounds ripped into our hearts by at least one person who took our presious gifts and abused and destroyed and walked away to live another life that may end up bruising and destroying others. We didn't realize that this was a pattern before we met until after they left.
Only by following scripture and listening to God's comfort and direction was I able to get through this very personal heart wrenching, gut tearing experience and still be able to say that I still love this person in spite of everything. They never even asked for forgiveness or tried to repair the relationship. It is only by the grace of God that my heart can be softened and not hardened. Luke 23:34 says how Christ dealt with those who sinned against Him. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."
Those who sinned against Christ didn't ask for forgiveness. I don't think they even knew He asked the Father to forgive them. It doesn't matter. What matters is that God loved them. He died for them because He loved them so much. This is the power of God.
And so we will keep on helping, caring for, and letting others into our hearts even though we grieve over their decision to walk away unchanged. I look forward to heaven when all will be washed clean and we won't have to deal with whatever suffering there is to face in this world. But until then we will learn from our experiences so we can know how to help those in need better. God is gracious and pours out his blessings on the righteous and the wicked. We should follow in His steps and do the same. This is learning to love like God.
James did a terrible job painting our deck, splattering the house and anything that was not moved off the deck. But Don paid him. This started a wave of "work" and needs. Don bought him food, and clothes for the kids. James always showed up needing money for this or that. Come to find out later James was taking the receipts and the stuff and returning them for the money which he used to buy drugs. He used every trick in the book.
Don talked to him about being honest and finally cut off the work and money supply. James was arrested for forgery. He had posted bail and during that time came to the office looking for another hand out. While no one was looking he stole a purse belonging to one of our employees. He was caught of course. He was sentenced to jail at the community jail, a minimum security facility. Not long after he escaped and was caught adding more time to his sentence. While in jail he was murdered, beaten to death by a fellow inmate.
The second story, also on the front page, was about a 33 year old woman who was arrested again after not fulfilling her conditions of a previous arrest for drug possession and distribution. She had also come to us for money when she wanted to move her boyfriend down to the valley and for other things. We helped sometimes but not always, like in the boyfriend case. We know this woman's mother who is a Godly person. We have prayed hard for this her and she just kept getting deeper and deeper in to the bottomless pit. Her mother is in anguish and is now taking care of her grand daughter while her mommy is in prison. "I thought I would never be in this position at this time in my life. I have to depend on the Lord and trust him to provide." My heart breaks for her.
Several years ago there was a family that came to our church. They were poor, very poor. But they knew how to work the system, use their children to beg, and lie to the members to get money so they could go do what they wanted. They lived way out in the country in a trailer and drove broken down vehicles. Their children were always dirty. We tried to help them because scripture says to help the poor. We had baby showers for her when her babies were born. We repaired their vehicles, bought them food, gave them money for gas and medicine (which got used on spending sprees at Walmart). They attached themselves to the older folks on fixed incomes and used their children to win sympathy and get money. They abused everyone in the church.
Don and I finally took them out to dinner and told them that they had to follow certain conditions like finding work, nor more lying about what they were doing, and take care to make better choices. The money flow was now being turned off until they fulfilled those conditions. They left the church and went to a nearby church and started in on them. Finally one of the family members moved to to the western slope with her husband. After getting into trouble by trying to blow someone up she was put into jail and her children were left with grandma. She served her time. During this time our church sent her pictures of her kids and letters of encouragement. After all we did this family never changed their ways. They remain the same and those little babies are learning how to be just like them.
Don is a giving person. People find out he is a soft touch and they start taking advantage of him. His response is "God asks us to take care of them. What they do is their problem." But he has changed his mind after dealing with those who refuse to change their ways. 2 Thess. 3:9-11 says, "For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies."
There are always going to be those who take advantage and walk away never looking back. They will remain in the pit because they choose to be there. More often than not it seems these are the kind of people we end up meeting in our lives. But there are those few who really do want help and are appreciative of it. They work hard and try hard. They may not have the intellect to do better than they do or their situation may have placed them in hardship. We have met those too. Our hearts break for them and it's a blessing to help them.
James 1:27 states, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
Isaiah 58:6-7 also directs us on how we should help. "6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
We have had very personal wounds ripped into our hearts by at least one person who took our presious gifts and abused and destroyed and walked away to live another life that may end up bruising and destroying others. We didn't realize that this was a pattern before we met until after they left.
Only by following scripture and listening to God's comfort and direction was I able to get through this very personal heart wrenching, gut tearing experience and still be able to say that I still love this person in spite of everything. They never even asked for forgiveness or tried to repair the relationship. It is only by the grace of God that my heart can be softened and not hardened. Luke 23:34 says how Christ dealt with those who sinned against Him. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."
Those who sinned against Christ didn't ask for forgiveness. I don't think they even knew He asked the Father to forgive them. It doesn't matter. What matters is that God loved them. He died for them because He loved them so much. This is the power of God.
And so we will keep on helping, caring for, and letting others into our hearts even though we grieve over their decision to walk away unchanged. I look forward to heaven when all will be washed clean and we won't have to deal with whatever suffering there is to face in this world. But until then we will learn from our experiences so we can know how to help those in need better. God is gracious and pours out his blessings on the righteous and the wicked. We should follow in His steps and do the same. This is learning to love like God.
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